Even seniors want to pass you!

To the 3 young able-bodied men walking down the stairs in front of me from the skytrain to the bus stop:
I know that trying to hold a conversation between 3 people while walking down the stairs is logistically difficult. There's always one person behind the other 2; it's hard to hear someone who is speaking away from you; and walking down stairs while looking up them is dangerous. As a result, you end up taking up the whole width of the stairs and moving slower than grandmas and the disabled. So here is my handy hint for trying to hold said conversation... DON'T! Just don't do it. Whatever you're saying, it's not that important. It can wait until you (and all the people stuck behind you) have arrived safely at the level ground that is the stop for the bus that we all might otherwise have missed.

It's normally such a nice bus...

I frequently take the 509 to Walnut Grove to get to Guildford mall, because it makes no stops between Surrey Central and the mall and it's generally a quiet bus with only a few riders. Today, however, it seemed to be a magnet for sob stories.

First some guy tries to get on with a pop and a plate of pizza. The bus driver tells him he can't bring food on the bus. He says, 'Are you kidding me?'; she tells him to read the sign; he storms off angrily.

Then a girl gets on with a monthly pass. She only half shows it to the driver. The driver stops her and asks to see it again. It's only a 2 zone pass ...the OTHER 2 zones. Driver makes her add fare.

Then some guy gets on with a sob story about how he had a ticket earlier in the day. I didn't hear much more than that, but it ended with him dropping money in the farebox.

Then pizza boy comes back. "What if I promise not to eat it? I'll put it in my bag." Bus driver says no, again. "We can't trust you," she says. Pizza boy calls her a f#@*ing b!tch and storms off again.

Finally some teenager comes running up to the bus and asks the driver if she can wait for his friends. She says, "Only if they are right behind you because I'm leaving now." Boy holds on to bus door and leans out the side of bus to yell at friends to hurry. Now boy and his friends are having an unnecessarily loud conversation in the back of my usually quiet bus.

Added bonus! There is construction on the bus's usual route. So we're on a fantastic detour during which we just sat at one light almost as long as it usually takes to get to Guildford.

Good thing it's Friday.

This is not a conversation piece

What is it about doing work on the bus or skytrain that makes people think you want them to ask you about it? Do you think if I had time for a little chit chat I'd be doing my work on transit? I'll give you a hint: probably not. I'm probably up against some sort of deadline or on a roll with some train of thought and need every second to try to finish my work. So no, I didn't just bring out these papers so you'd have something to ask me about as a conversation starter. In fact, from now on, let's just assume that if I want to start a conversation with you, I'll do something crazy, like say 'hi'.

Who's the parent?

Woman gets on the bus with a small child. Small child stands near door at back of bus. Woman sits in seat across from door. Woman says to son, "You should be sitting here." Gentleman next to woman gets up to give seat to child. Woman says, "Oh you don't have to do that; he probably won't listen anyway; he's pretty stubborn."

Wow. Now I may not have kids, but I'm sure my parentally-inclined friends will agree, "probably won't listen" is not an acceptable default state for a child.

Way to put forth an effort at parenting, lady.

Keeping it classy (with Transit Rule #1)

Over my headphones and from somewhere behind me on the skytrain, I hear some guy yelling at what I assume was his cellphone. He hangs up and a few seconds later there is this loud repeated banging noise. I look over and see angry yelling man doing what looks like kicking the skytrain door. Way to throw a tantrum, loser.

Then some guy from a few seats over says what we're all thinking, "Hey man, can you shut the f*#@ up?". I'm thinking to myself, "Oh no, this could end badly." Luckily some other guy distracted angry man by striking up a conversation.

That's one of those skytrain situations that can escalate quickly and leads to one of my rules for riding transit: "Always have an exit strategy."

Standing is hard

You'd think a bunch of university-aged students, who probably all just got off the skytrain anyway, would have the stamina to stand for a 15 minute bus ride. Well, you'd be wrong, as evidenced this morning by a bunch of lazy bus riders who saw that there were no seats left on the bus and decided not to get on. The lineup formed outside the bus doors of course prompts the bus driver to shut the doors and pull away just as I'm about to get on.

Thanks, guys. I miss a perfectly good bus because you're all too lazy to stand. Except that you're now all standing in line waiting for a bus; so apparently you're lazy and dumb ... I'd quit university now if I were you guys.