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Friday, 24 May 2013

By all means, you go first

You know what I love? When the skytrain is crowded and I step off to let people out instead of just crowding the doorway like an inconsiderate jerk. Then someone waiting on the platform, who could see me get off the train and step to the side just to let people off, decides to cut in front of me to get on the train.

By all means, you go ahead; I actually am just standing here by the train with the sole purpose of making sure the door doesn't close on you. I didn't actually want to get back on or anything.

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Can somebody breathe on my phone?

Very rarely does anybody say anything on the bus worth repeating for any reason other than mocking them mercilessly. Yesterday however, I was riding the bus with 5 dorks who between marginally mockable, but not blog-worthy conversation topics suggested having a breathalyzer for phones. Now there's an app you could charge big bucks for and save many people from many a drunk text.

I also have to admit that my usual poker-face for eavesdropping nearly broke as one guy acted out himself drunk, wondering why he couldn't get his phone unlocked and eventually holding it out to a friend saying, "Could you blow on my phone?"

They went on to discuss a myriad of other ways one can get in trouble while drunk. This naturally led to someone suggesting breathalyzer locked wallets. Of course, lest this blog post lead you to believe there may still be hope for bus riders, I leave you with a follow up statement by one of the 5 amigos':
"I can get so drunk that I can't spell my own name, but I can always remember my pin number. And my name is J.R. ..."

As an added bonus, J.R. has one of the worst laughs I've ever heard. I thought it was fake at first, but he definitely laughed way too many times to be faking it. I managed to catch a recording of him on my phone. It took several attempts to get this video into a format that would upload. Sorry if it's a bit hard to hear. Enjoy!

Thursday, 16 May 2013

I'll have a large BO with extra cheese

I'm on the bus, feeling pretty pleased that there is an empty seat next to me, when at the last minute some guy gets on and sits next to me. The first thing that greets me is the overwhelming stench of his BO. Then I see he's got a box of pizza with him. And that's when I realize ... for the next 20 minutes of my life I'll be stuck enduring the smell symphony from hell that is alternating wafts of pizza and BO.

Monday, 13 May 2013

Travelling with a herd

You know what sounds like a good plan? Take a group of teens on the skytrain at the start of rush hour. Get off at the busiest station in Surrey. Stand in a circle in front of the skytrain doors. Make sure you spread out enough to block the whole side of the platform with the unloading train. Yeah...I didn't see how that plan could possibly have gone wrong either.

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Could you keep moving please?

I get to production station this morning, along with the hoard of other people getting off the skytrain, since school is back in session for the summer semester. There's a bus already at the stop with only the back two doors open. So most people, myself included, load through the middle door, then move to the front or back. Easy, right? Well as I've already observed many a time, there's always some self-centered idiot who stands just far enough into the bus that he's not "blocking the door", but you can't actually get past him to the rest of the bus. 

Today that guy was standing right between the seats just in front of the middle door, blocking an empty front of the bus. Neither he nor the guy behind him seem to see any problem with this. I, however, see the people behind me still trying to get on with the back of the bus mostly full. So I put on angry teacher voice and say, "Could you keep moving, please." The please may suggest politeness, but the tone, as several of my former students could attest, suggests 'do what I say before I attack you with office supplies'.