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Monday, 17 February 2014

There should be a personality assessment before you buy a plane ticket; if you fail, you have to ride with the cargo.

Today's transit travesty takes place in a different setting. I'm on a flight from Chicago to San Francisco. I'm already unhappy because my original flight was cancelled, so I'm stuck taking 3 flights instead of 2 and I'm getting home about 9 hours later than anticipated. The plane is basically full and I'm in a window seat, which I hate. There's not even enough legroom for me to cross my legs and I'm pretty sure you had to be a member of Cirque du Soleil to get anything out of your bag from under the seat in front of you. Then, of course, the guy in front of me decides he needs to have his seat reclined as far back as it will go, leaving me with essentially zero personal space. Fine. People are entitled to put their seat back on a flight if they want. But of course, it doesn't stop there.
A short while into the flight I discover he's a wiggler, shifting back and forth in his seat, stretching, putting his arms in the air and grabbing the back of his head rest which is essentially right in my face. Not gonna lie, by the third or fourth time his hands invaded my limited personal space bubble, I seriously considered licking his fingers to deter him from doing it again. But I didn't, because EWWW. 
Now the seat next to Stretchy McSpaceInvader is empty, so halfway through the flight he reclines that chair too. My supervisor is in the seat next to me and now he can't work on his laptop, so he asks the guy to put the *empty* seat back up. And you know what the guy says? "Actually it bothers me when it's not reclined." Ummm …. what?! Gee, I'm sorry the lovely empty seat next to you bothers you, but it bothers me that you are a douche, so I guess we all lose today. 

My supervisor actually had to get the flight attendant to make Stretch put the seat up.  Of course, Stretch did not go down without a fight. When the flight attendant told him he was lucky that no one was sitting next to him he replied that he would actually prefer to have someone in the seat, because then they would have the seat reclined anyway. First of all, not necessarily, you are an idiot. Secondly, you didn't pay for that seat so why are we even having this conversation. And third, the flight attendant responded that if someone was sitting there that person's arm would be there to bother him. I should have started kicking his seat, but there was literally not enough room for my legs to make a kicking motion. 

But, seriously, are you kidding me, dude? It's a plane. We're all uncomfortable, so join the club. Suck it up. Put on your big boy panties and act like a man, not like a spoiled toddler. 

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