By all means, you go first

You know what I love? When the skytrain is crowded and I step off to let people out instead of just crowding the doorway like an inconsiderate jerk. Then someone waiting on the platform, who could see me get off the train and step to the side just to let people off, decides to cut in front of me to get on the train.

By all means, you go ahead; I actually am just standing here by the train with the sole purpose of making sure the door doesn't close on you. I didn't actually want to get back on or anything.

Can somebody breathe on my phone?

Very rarely does anybody say anything on the bus worth repeating for any reason other than mocking them mercilessly. Yesterday however, I was riding the bus with 5 dorks who between marginally mockable, but not blog-worthy conversation topics suggested having a breathalyzer for phones. Now there's an app you could charge big bucks for and save many people from many a drunk text.

I also have to admit that my usual poker-face for eavesdropping nearly broke as one guy acted out himself drunk, wondering why he couldn't get his phone unlocked and eventually holding it out to a friend saying, "Could you blow on my phone?"

They went on to discuss a myriad of other ways one can get in trouble while drunk. This naturally led to someone suggesting breathalyzer locked wallets. Of course, lest this blog post lead you to believe there may still be hope for bus riders, I leave you with a follow up statement by one of the 5 amigos':
"I can get so drunk that I can't spell my own name, but I can always remember my pin number. And my name is J.R. ..."

As an added bonus, J.R. has one of the worst laughs I've ever heard. I thought it was fake at first, but he definitely laughed way too many times to be faking it. I managed to catch a recording of him on my phone. It took several attempts to get this video into a format that would upload. Sorry if it's a bit hard to hear. Enjoy!

I'll have a large BO with extra cheese

I'm on the bus, feeling pretty pleased that there is an empty seat next to me, when at the last minute some guy gets on and sits next to me. The first thing that greets me is the overwhelming stench of his BO. Then I see he's got a box of pizza with him. And that's when I realize ... for the next 20 minutes of my life I'll be stuck enduring the smell symphony from hell that is alternating wafts of pizza and BO.

Travelling with a herd

You know what sounds like a good plan? Take a group of teens on the skytrain at the start of rush hour. Get off at the busiest station in Surrey. Stand in a circle in front of the skytrain doors. Make sure you spread out enough to block the whole side of the platform with the unloading train. Yeah...I didn't see how that plan could possibly have gone wrong either.